...well, at least hit by a car.

the other day i was riding my bicycle when, out of nowhere there was this car that ran me over.
it didn´t hurt much and despite some browses and cuts i called myself lucky, that its nothing more serious. but now, this ass of a sunday-school-driver wants to sew me for damaging his friggin mercedes. i have to admit at first i was pretty proud of my self, that my hard body crushed this son of a "b"´s front window but now... somethimes being that good in shape brings more problems then, to simply gettin ran over by a car... btw my bicycle was ruined! looks more like a tincanexcrement now.


i wonder...

some time ago, i did a night-run throu the park. when i paused to do some stretching two guys approached me and one of them asked me how much it would cost to do me a bj. i told him and his companion that i would not be the kind of guy they were looking for. somehow that seemed to offend both of them they offered me money but i still refused till the one who did the asking drew a knife and cut, faster than i could react into my upper arm than both left without one more word. it wasnt as painful as it might sound although the wound had to be stitched 4 times. still, it was quite distressing but i am continuing to run throu the park.

friends told me now they heard of some kind of male-prostitutes in that park disguising as joggers.

what can i say? this experience somehow showed me that the behaviour toward my love was somewhat similar to those two guys. hell, sometimes i imagined how i would just dope and rape him in his sleep. i would have done literally anything to get what i want from him. i know now, how he must feel and worse, cause he cant just run away and i cant just cut him and leave it be... metaphorical... we are after all best friends and although, there is this thing between us we still keep ding stuff together, only we two can do. isnt that quite a bit masochistic? as if we both were cutting each others arms right now, the wounds will heal but we gona leave scars all over our souls.

there sleeps the most perfect person ive ever met. he is my very definition of beautiful,he has the most adorable smile he is in action the kindest, smartest and deepest soul. all i want to do right now is to be near him to fell the warms he emits, to smell his special sent maybe to touch this silk like skin of his just one more time... but he told me to respect him as he respects me and by doing so, to keep off.

there is no word in any tongue, that could describe the the pain i am suffering every time i think of him now but everything is filled with toughs of him all my doing and caring is to please him.

while he is there all i can do is look at him, to show him this affection that discusses him so much. i caress him with my eyes and all i want to say is only to glorify his beauty.

if that is love its not only cruel it is worse than all these petty concepts of hell together.

show me perfection make me to want it, to fall in love with it make me feel like i never felled before and never will again and then, say it all is not for me it never was it never will.

i hate myself for not being good enough for you. i hat you for making me think it is all my fault.
i hate this world that brought us two together only to have a laugh at.


this had to come out eventually.